From 26adea42a123d10649627b1ea699b245bf72c1f4 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: LoafyLemon Date: Sat, 3 Dec 2022 22:28:46 +0000 Subject: [PATCH] Proofreading * Proofread some of the writing in Luna's 'Inspect her body' favour --- .../luna/events/favors/inspect_her_body.rpy | 89 +++++++++---------- 1 file changed, 44 insertions(+), 45 deletions(-) diff --git a/game/scripts/characters/luna/events/favors/inspect_her_body.rpy b/game/scripts/characters/luna/events/favors/inspect_her_body.rpy index c2c9ed2e..14432218 100644 --- a/game/scripts/characters/luna/events/favors/inspect_her_body.rpy +++ b/game/scripts/characters/luna/events/favors/inspect_her_body.rpy @@ -512,11 +512,11 @@ label ll_pf_inspect_T2_E2_intro: lun "*Ah*...{w=0.4} Yes, it definitely feels a lot more intense than...{w=0.4} *Mmm*..." ("open", "closed", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush") lun "But I'm not feeling that--{w=0.2} *Ah*...{w=0.4} Relief you mentioned..." ("mad", "closed", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush") - lun "My body still feels as if--{w=0.2} *Ah*...{w=0.4} As if on fire, [lun_genie_name]..." ("angry", "happyCl", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush") + lun "My body still feels as if--{w=0.2} *Ah*...{w=0.4} As if I'm on fire, [lun_genie_name]..." ("angry", "happyCl", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush") - call nar(">As Luna pleads to you, she starts rubbing her pussy against your legs... The tip of your cock sliding between her ass-cheeks each time.") + call nar(">Luna gives up to the sensation, and starts rubbing her ass against you... The tip of your cock sliding between her ass-cheeks with each thrust.") - gen "(If she keeps this up, then this bitch in heat will make me bust before she does...)" ("angry", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "(If this keeps going, then this bitch in heat will make me bust before she does...)" ("angry", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "It think something is happening...{w=0.4} I feel woozy, [lun_genie_name]..." ("angry", "happyCl", "low", "mid", cheeks="blush") call lun_chibi_scene("inspect_lean_grope_breasts_naked") @@ -675,11 +675,11 @@ label ll_pf_inspect_T2_E3_intro: lun "Oh...{w=0.3} Right..." ("angry", "narrow", "base", "down") gen "You seem awfully distracted today." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "*Ehm*...{w=0.3} To tell you the truth...{w=0.3} I'm a bit worried that it's not going to work again, [lun_genie_name]." ("open", "narrow", "base", "downL") - gen "Now I wouldn't worry about that...{w=0.3} I'm confident it will work this time." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - lun "But how do you know it will work, [lun_genie_name]?" ("mad", "narrow", "base", "mid") - lun "Maybe girls aren't able to expel the Wrackspurts like boys do." ("angry", "narrow", "base", "mid") - gen "I'm certain that the process isn't too dissimilar...{w=0.3} I'm confident that with my help--" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - lun "But how do you know, [lun_genie_name]?" ("angry", "narrow", "base", "mid") + gen "Now, I wouldn't worry about that...{w=0.3} I'm confident it will work this time." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "But how can you be so sure, [lun_genie_name]?" ("mad", "narrow", "base", "mid") + lun "Maybe it's different for us women, maybe we aren't able to expel the wrackspurts like you men do." ("angry", "narrow", "base", "mid") + gen "I'm quite certain that the process isn't too dissimilar...{w=0.3} I'm confident that with my help--" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "But {i}how{/i} do you know, [lun_genie_name]?" ("angry", "narrow", "base", "mid") gen "Just trust me on this one [luna_name]." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "*Hmm*..." ("upset", "narrow", "base", "downL") gen "(She doesn't seem convinced.)" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") @@ -687,90 +687,89 @@ label ll_pf_inspect_T2_E3_intro: gen "*Ahem*...{w=0.3} [luna_name]?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "Yes [lun_genie_name]?" ("upset", "base", "base", "mid") - gen "Tell me...{w=0.3} How were those spratters described in your fathers paper again?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - lun "They're invisible creatures that go inside your ears and make your brain go all fuzzy." ("angry", "base", "base", "mid") - gen "And...{w=0.3} Wasn't there a description on how you were supposed to get rid of them?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - lun "By thinking positive thoughts..." ("soft", "narrow", "base", "mid") - lun "But that's not working [lun_genie_name]...{w=0.3} It's not my brain they're making all fuzzy..." ("clench", "narrow", "base", "mid") - gen "Then tell me...{w=0.3} What else have we learned about them so far?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "Tell me...{w=0.3} How were those spratters described in your father's paper again?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "Let me think.{w=0.5} They're invisible creatures that enter inside your ears and make your brain go all fuzzy." ("angry", "base", "base", "mid") + gen "And...{w=0.3} Wasn't there an instruction on how to expel them?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "Why yes, by thinking positively..." ("soft", "narrow", "base", "mid") + lun "But that's not working, [lun_genie_name]...{w=0.3} It isn't my brain that's getting all fuzzy because of them..." ("clench", "narrow", "base", "mid") + gen "Then tell me...{w=0.3} What else have we learned about them thus far?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "*Uhm*..." ("upset", "base", "base", "downR") - lun "We learned that you can bait them to a particularly sensitive area by thinking positive thoughts, and rubbing it, before finally expelling them..." ("angry", "narrow", "base", "down") - lun "But we tried that [lun_genie_name], and it didn't work!" ("annoyed", "narrow", "base", "R") - gen "I managed to do it...{w=0.3} So I must've done something different..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "We have learned that you can lure them out to a particularly sensitive body area, through positive thoughts. Then, you need to rub that spot energetically to finally expel them..." ("angry", "narrow", "base", "down") + lun "But we already have tried that [lun_genie_name], and it didn't work!" ("annoyed", "narrow", "base", "R") + gen "I managed to do it by myself...{w=0.3} So you must have done something wrong..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "*Hmm*..." ("upset", "narrow", "base", "downL") gen "(Putting the pieces together...{w=0.3} And...)" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "Oh! I know!" ("smile", "wide", "base", "stare") - lun "I was thinking too much about the Wrackspurts and how glad I'd be to finally get rid of them." ("mad", "wide", "base", "mid") - lun "What I should have done is project positive thoughts onto the area itself!" ("smile", "narrow", "base", "down") + lun "I was possibly thinking too much about the wrackspurts, and how glad I'd be to finally get rid of them." ("mad", "wide", "base", "mid") + lun "What I should have done instead is project positive thoughts onto the area itself!" ("smile", "narrow", "base", "down") gen "Exactly!" ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - gen "Ignore every intrusive thought that may pop into your mind, and just keep focusing on your body and how it feels..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - gen "Let the sensations engulf you completely until your mind is clear..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - gen "The rest should happen by itself..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") - lun "Yes [lun_genie_name]..." ("crooked_smile", "narrow", "base", "mid") + gen "Ignore intrusive thoughts that may pop into your head, and just focus on your body, on how it feels..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "Let the sensations engulf you completely, until your mind is clear..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "Leave the rest to the fate..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "That's smart, [lun_genie_name], maybe I should try that." ("crooked_smile", "narrow", "base", "mid") gen "Now then... Ready for another try?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "Yes, I'm ready [lun_genie_name]!" ("base", "base", "base", "mid") if luna.is_any_worn("robe", "top", "bottom", "accessory"): - gen "Then lets get you out of those clothes shall we..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "Lets get you out of those clothes first, shall we..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") else: - gen "Now, let me help you get you out of those pesky underwear..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "Now, let me help you get you out of those pesky undergarments..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") #Fade to black show screen blkfade with d5 if luna.is_any_worn("robe", "top", "bottom", "accessory"): - call nar(">Luna shuffles around for a bit as she attempts to get out of her clothing, the limited space between you and the desk making it somewhat difficult.") + call nar(">Luna shuffles around for a bit, attempting to get out of her clothing. The limited space between you and the desk is making it somewhat difficult.") - lun "It's a bit cramped in here, [lun_genie_name] ...{w=0.4} Should I scoot out and--" ("base", "base", "base", "mid") - gen "No worries [luna_name]...{w=0.4} Let me handle it." + lun "It's a bit cramped in here, [lun_genie_name]...{w=0.4} Should I scoot out and--" ("base", "base", "base", "mid") + gen "No, that won't be necessary, [luna_name]...{w=0.4} Let me help you." if luna.is_worn("robe"): - call nar(">You unclasp Luna's robes and let them drop to the ground behind her.") + call nar(">You unclasp Luna's outerwear and let it drop to the ground behind her.") if luna.is_worn("top"): - call nar(">You swiftly pull Luna's top over her head...{w=0.4} Her breasts moves up along with it and then drops from the sudden motion as the fabric passes by.") + call nar(">You swiftly pull Luna's top over her head...{w=0.4} Her breasts bounce a little, then settle still as the offending piece of clothing is taken off.") $ renpy.sound.play("sounds/boing02.ogg") pause .4 lun "Whoa!" ("base", "base", "base", "mid") #Luna always wears underwear at this stage - call nar(">You unhook Luna's bra with ease and then let it drop to the floor in front of her.") - call nar(">She glances back at you, cheeks flushed and a look of surprise across her face caused by the unusual speed and dexterity displayed by her headmaster.") + call nar(">You unhook Luna's bra with ease, and let it drop to the floor, right in front of her.") + call nar(">She glances back at you, her cheeks flushed, and a look of surprise painted across her face, caused by your unusual dexterity.") - lun "Have you done this before, [lun_genie_name]?" ("base", "base", "base", "mid") + lun "Have you ever done this before, [lun_genie_name]?" ("base", "base", "base", "mid") + gen "Let's not make this about me, [luna_name]. Free your mind of intrusive thoughts." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + lun "Okay, I'll try." ("soft", "base", "base", "mid") if luna.is_worn("bottom", "panties"): - call nar(">Noticing Luna's increasing excitement you put your thumbs on either side of her bottoms and pull both it and her panties down in one singular motion...") + call nar(">Noticing Luna's ever increasing excitement, you put your hands on either side of her hips, and pull both fabrics down, in one singular motion...") $ luna.strip("bottom", "panties") - if luna.is_worn("bottom"): - call nar(">Noticing Luna's increasing excitement you put your thumbs on either side of her bottoms and pull them down...") - if luna.is_worn("panties"): - call nar(">You eye up Luna's Panties for a moment before swiftly pulling them down, letting them rest just underneath her ankles...") - + elif luna.is_worn("bottom"): + call nar(">Noticing Luna's ever increasing excitement, you put your hands on either side of her hips, and pull the fabric down swiftly...") + elif luna.is_worn("panties"): + call nar(">You oggle Luna's choice of underwear, before swiftly pulling them down right to her ankles...") lun "" ("clench", "narrow", "base", "downR", cheeks="blush") $ luna.strip("all") pause .2 hide screen blkfade - #Fade back to Naked Luna in front of genie call lun_chibi_scene("inspect_idle_naked") with d5 - lun "[lun_genie_name]!" ("clench", "narrow", "base", "downR", cheeks="blush") gen "Yes, [luna_name]?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "*Ehm*...{w=0.4} Never mind..." ("soft", "narrow", "base", "down", cheeks="blush") - gen "Okay, let's begin then shall we?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "Okay. In that case, let the exorcism commence--." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") + gen "--*Err*, I mean the expulsion." ("angry", xpos="far_left", ypos="head") lun "..." ("base", "narrow", "base", "down", cheeks="blush") #blush call lun_chibi_scene("inspect_grope_breasts_naked") - call nar(">Without hesitation, you reach forward and grab Luna's breasts.") - - call nar(">As you begin silently kneading them, any doubts in Luna's mind appears to slowly wash away, and she lets the sensations of your touch overtake any previous feelings of doubt.") + call nar(">Without hesitation, you reach forward and grab and start fondling Luna's breasts.") + call nar(">As she feels your touch, any doubts in Luna's mind are washed away, letting the sensations overtake her.") lun "*Ah*...{w=0.4} [lun_genie_name]..." ("soft", "closed", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush")