Writing improvements and fixes

* Improved Cho Gryffindor match leadup public favours.
* Fixed some calls showing multiple ">".
* Removed bld and blktone in some places where it's replaced by inner thought and narrator character.
* Changed Hermione calling lollipops "Candy" since she's not American.

game/scripts/characters/astoria/gifts.rpy

@@ -515,8 +515,6 @@ label give_ast_gift(gift_item):
 
 
 label ast_mood(value=0):
-    show screen blktone
-    with d3
 
     if value > 0:
         if value == 1:
@@ -536,5 +534,4 @@ label ast_mood(value=0):
 
     call describe_mood_after_gift(was_negative, ast_mood, value)
 
-    hide screen blktone
     return

game/scripts/characters/cho/events/requests/spy_on_the_boys.rpy

@@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_start:
             cho "C? Is that some sort of spy name?" ("soft", "base", "base", "mid")
             gen "Yep! C is the perfect spy name for you." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
             cho "Where do you get all these ideas from... seriously." ("annoyed", "base", "base", "mid")
-            gen "That's your cup-size is it not?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+            gen "That's your cup-size, is it not?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
             cho "..." ("disgust", "wide", "base", "mid") #Blushes
             cho "You're such an old pervert, you know that right?" ("soft", "base", "angry", "mid")
             cho "And it's B cup actually..." ("open", "base", "base", "downR") #Blushes and glances to the side
@@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_start:
                 gen "No ass left untouched!" ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
 
         cho "Merlin's beard..." ("angry", "narrow", "raised", "downR") # Facepalm
-        gen "Merlin's beard.... that's a pretty good codename, I like it!" ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+        gen "Merlin's beard.... That's a pretty good codename, I like it!" ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         cho "But I was..." ("mad", "base", "raised", "mid")
         gen "..." ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         cho "Yes... Merlin's beard." ("soft", "narrow", "base", "downR")
@@ -56,12 +56,12 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_start:
         gen "Today's mission, if you choose to accept it..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         gen "And by choose I mean there's not really much choice in the matter." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         cho "..." ("normal", "narrow", "base", "mid") #rolls eyes, bit pissed off
-        gen "I'd like you to spy on the beaters.... those {i}Weasel{/i} twins." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+        gen "I'd like you to spy on the beaters... Those {i}Weasel{/i} twins." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         cho "Weasley..." ("soft", "narrow", "base", "mid")
         gen "Yeah, that!" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         gen "I'd like you to follow them and see what they are doing, find out if there's anything we could use against them during the match." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         cho "You want me to follow them around the entire day?" ("angry", "base", "base", "mid")
-        gen "Of course, that's what a spy does isn't it?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+        gen "Of course, isn't that what a spy is supposed to do?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         cho "Yeah, it's not like I have school or anything important to do." ("upset", "base", "angry", "downR")
         gen "Great!" ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
         gen "Report back to me this evening as usual B!" ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
@@ -156,15 +156,15 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_T3_twins:
     cho "How is that funny!?" ("angry", "wide", "angry", "mid")
     gen "What if the girl was Hermione?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "I..." ("angry", "base", "base", "mid")
-    cho "I suppose...{w=0.4} no...{w=0.4} no it's still..." ("soft", "happyCl", "angry", "mid")
+    cho "I suppose...{w=0.4} No...{w=0.4} No it's still..." ("soft", "happyCl", "angry", "mid")
     gen "She'd look like a blueberry with a huge wig draped on top of it." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "*Giggles*" ("smile", "closed", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush")
-    cho "Anyhow... it completely ruined her clothes and as she deflated she quickly ran off stark naked and crying to her dormitory." ("annoyed", "closed", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush")
+    cho "Anyhow...{w=0.4} It completely ruined her clothes, and as she deflated she quickly ran off stark naked and crying to her dormitory." ("annoyed", "closed", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush")
     gen "Wait, so the clothes didn't expand as well?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
-    cho "It's not a spell... she ate it so why would her clothes be affected?" ("clench", "base", "raised", "mid")
+    cho "It's not a spell... she ate it, so why would her clothes be affected?" ("clench", "base", "raised", "mid")
-    gen "Sounds like amateurish magic to me, if they just imbued those sweets with some sort of effect which allows the consumers sweat to permeate their clothes then..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+    gen "Sounds like amateurish magic to me... If they just imbued those sweets with some sort of effect which allows the consumers sweat to permeate their clothes then..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "..." ("disgust", "wide", "angry", "mid")
-    gen "Oh yes...{w=0.4} very bad, I'll have a word with those two..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+    gen "*Ahem*...{w=0.4} I suppose I better have a word with those two..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "Please do..." ("annoyed", "narrow", "angry", "mid")
 
     gen "Anyhow, I'm sure we'll find something we can use against some of the other players." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
@@ -174,7 +174,7 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_T3_twins:
     gen "Then that will be it for today." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "Okay then." ("open", "base", "base", "R")
     cho "Good night." ("soft", "base", "base", "mid")
-    gen "Good night miss Chang." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+    gen "Good night Miss Chang." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
 
     # Cho leaves.
     call cho_walk(action="leave")
@@ -200,14 +200,14 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_T3_ron:
     cho "Well, I'm certain about one thing... That boy is a perv." ("upset", "narrow", "angry", "mid")
     cho "Before Hermione caught me, I could tell he was checking her out any time he could." ("open", "base", "angry", "downR")
     cho "It's quite sad really, you could tell from a mile off that she has no interest in him whatsoever." ("normal", "narrow", "angry", "R")
-    gen "Maybe he's not mature enough for his age but once his character develops then love and attraction could unexpectedly come into fruition." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+    gen "Maybe he's not mature enough for his age, but once his character develops then love and attraction could unexpectedly come into fruition." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
-    cho "*Pfff* What kind of soppy romance novels have you been reading?" ("soft", "closed", "angry", "mid")
+    cho "*Pfff*... What kind of soppy romance novels have you been reading?" ("soft", "closed", "angry", "mid")
-    cho "In any case, he come off as the clingy type... If anything ever happened between them it'd probably be out of pity on Hermione's part..." ("soft", "closed", "angry", "mid")
+    cho "In any case... He comes off as the clingy type... If anything ever happened between them, it'd probably be out of pity on Hermione's part..." ("soft", "closed", "angry", "mid")
     gen "And here I thought you'd make the assumption Miss Granger is sleeping with her friends." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "..." ("clench", "base", "base", "down") #Blushing
     cho "Why would you think that?" ("open", "narrow", "angry", "downR")
     gen "No reason..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
-    gen "Anyhow... We'll find our way in at some point I'm sure." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
+    gen "Anyhow... We'll find our way in at some point, I'm sure." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "..." ("annoyed", "base", "base", "downR") #Blushing
     gen "Our mission continues..." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "Right..." ("angry", "narrow", "base", "down")
@@ -236,7 +236,7 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_T3_harry:
     cho "This is such a waste of time..." ("open", "base", "angry", "downR")
     gen "I gather you didn't get any useful information?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "No..." ("annoyed", "base", "angry", "downR")
-    cho "I've been hiding in the boys bathroom trying to listen in on Harry and Ron." ("open", "closed", "angry", "mid")
+    cho "I've been hiding in the boys bathroom, trying to listen in on Harry and Ron." ("open", "closed", "angry", "mid")
     gen "Why in the boys bathroom?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     cho "That's the only time Hermione isn't around..." ("soft", "base", "angry", "downR")
     gen "I see, then what were they talking about?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
@@ -246,7 +246,7 @@ label cc_pr_spy_boys_T3_harry:
     cho "It's like regular chess except the pieces move on their own." ("soft", "narrow", "base", "mid")
     gen "Sounds as dull as regular chess." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
     gen "Anything else?" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
-    cho "Harry was talking a bit about quidditch but it was mostly bragging about some previous win of his." ("annoyed", "narrow", "base", "R")
+    cho "Harry was talking a bit about quidditch, but it was mostly bragging about some previous win of his." ("annoyed", "narrow", "base", "R")
     cho "Honestly, that boy could learn to be a bit more humble... I have no idea why Hermione hangs around with him." ("soft", "narrow", "angry", "downR")
     cho "Quidditch seems to be the only thing that he has going for him..." ("open", "narrow", "angry", "mid")
     gen "Looks like you two have a lot in--" ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")

game/scripts/characters/cho/gifts.rpy

@@ -548,8 +548,6 @@ label give_cho_gift(gift_item):
     return
 
 label cho_mood(value=0):
-    show screen blktone
-    with d3
 
     if value > 0:
         if value == 1:
@@ -569,5 +567,4 @@ label cho_mood(value=0):
 
     call describe_mood_after_gift(was_negative, cho_mood, value)
 
-    hide screen blktone
     return

game/scripts/characters/hermione/events/items/vibrators.rpy

@@ -1500,7 +1500,7 @@ label hg_vibrators_personal:
                             call her_walk("desk", "base")
                             pause 0.5
                             hide vibrators_floor
-                            call unlock_clothing(">Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
+                            call unlock_clothing("Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
 
                             her "{size=-5}Thank you...{/size}" ("open", "narrow", "base", "down", cheeks="blush")
 
@@ -1535,7 +1535,7 @@ label hg_vibrators_personal:
                             call her_walk("desk", "base")
                             pause 0.5
                             hide vibrators_floor
-                            call unlock_clothing(">Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
+                            call unlock_clothing("Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
 
                             her "{size=-5}Thank you...{/size}" ("base", "narrow", "base", "down", cheeks="blush")
 
@@ -1774,7 +1774,7 @@ label hg_vibrators_personal:
             pause 0.5
             hide vibrators_floor
             $ hermione.hide()
-            call unlock_clothing(">Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
+            call unlock_clothing("Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
 
             gen "Have fun, and try to not to overdo it." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
             gen "Or you might end up blind." ("grin", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
@@ -3656,7 +3656,7 @@ label hg_vibrators_public_return:
             hide vibrators_floor
             with d5
 
-            call unlock_clothing(">Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
+            call unlock_clothing("Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
 
             her "So... How do these things work, exactly? Do I need to charge them or...?" ("open", "squint", "base", "mid", cheeks="blush")
             gen "... These are magical items, they use magic, not volts." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
@@ -3811,7 +3811,7 @@ label hg_vibrators_public_return:
 
                 hide vibrators_floor
                 with d5
-                call unlock_clothing(">Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
+                call unlock_clothing("Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_vibrators)
 
                 gen "Don't mention it." ("base", xpos="far_left", ypos="head")
             else:

game/scripts/characters/hermione/gifts.rpy

@@ -11,24 +11,24 @@ label give_her_gift(gift_item):
     if gift_item == lollipop_ITEM:
         if her_whoring < 6: # Lv 1-2.
             her "A lollipop?" ("base", "base", "base", "mid")
-            call give_gift("You give the candy to Hermione...",gift_item)
+            call give_gift("You give the lollipop to Hermione...",gift_item)
             her "Thank you, [name_genie_hermione]." ("base", "base", "base", "mid")
             call her_mood(-5)
         elif her_whoring < 12: # Lv 3-4.
-            her "Candy?" ("normal", "base", "base", "mid")
+            her "A lollipop?" ("normal", "base", "base", "mid")
-            her "Candy is for kids, [name_genie_hermione]." ("open", "base", "base", "mid")
+            her "Sweets are for kids, [name_genie_hermione]." ("open", "base", "base", "mid")
-            call give_gift("You give the candy to Hermione...",gift_item)
+            call give_gift("You give the lollipop to Hermione...",gift_item)
             her "Thank you..." ("annoyed", "base", "worried", "R")
             call her_mood(-5)
         elif her_whoring < 18: # Lv 5-6.
-            her "Candy?" ("normal", "base", "base", "mid")
+            her "A lollipop?" ("normal", "base", "base", "mid")
-            call give_gift("You give the candy to Hermione...",gift_item)
+            call give_gift("You give the lollipop to Hermione...",gift_item)
             her "*Ehm*... Sure, thanks..." ("open", "squint", "base", "mid")
             call her_mood(-5)
         else: # Lv 7+
             her "A lollipop?" ("base", "base", "base", "mid")
-            her "Clever girls use candy like this as a \"weapon\"." ("smile", "base", "base", "R")
+            her "Clever girls uses sweets like these as a \"weapon\"." ("smile", "base", "base", "R")
-            call give_gift("You give the candy to Hermione...",gift_item)
+            call give_gift("You give the lollipop to Hermione...",gift_item)
             her "Thank you, [name_genie_hermione]." ("base", "happyCl", "base", "mid")
             call her_mood(-5)
 
@@ -603,8 +603,6 @@ label give_her_gift(gift_item):
     return
 
 label her_mood(value=0):
-    show screen blktone
-    with d3
 
     if value > 0:
         if value == 1:
@@ -624,5 +622,4 @@ label her_mood(value=0):
 
     call describe_mood_after_gift(was_negative, her_mood, value)
 
-    hide screen blktone
     return

game/scripts/characters/tonks/gifts.rpy

@@ -165,8 +165,6 @@ label give_ton_gift(gift_item):
     return
 
 label ton_friendship(value=0):
-    show screen blktone
-    with d3
 
     if value > 0:
         if value == 1:
@@ -182,5 +180,4 @@ label ton_friendship(value=0):
         "Tonks' friendship towards you hasn't changed much."
 
     $ ton_friendship = max(min(ton_friendship+value, 100), 0)
-    hide screen blktone
     return

game/scripts/shops/item/chitchats.rpy

@@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ label purchase_item(item):
     elif item == poker_outfit_ITEM:
         $ item.used = True
 
-        call unlock_clothing(">Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_poker)
+        call unlock_clothing("Congratulations! You have unlocked a new outfit!", her_outfit_poker)
 
     play sound "sounds/money.ogg"